Damn Kakashi
by Grin-Grin
Summary: "I'm Hatake Kakashi. I'm here to kill you. How would you like to spend the last day of your life?" - People tend to forget that shinobi lie. A lot.


_I don't own Naruto._

AN: This is my first story (first one I posted anyway). Wrote this in appoximately 30 minutes, so yeah...

I'm not proud, but sometimes you just gotta let these things out.

* * *

**Damn Kakashi**

* * *

_(__Tanzaku-gai__.)_

He was going to survive this. Screw Gato and his "I have more money, I make the rules"-ideology. He wasn't just going to roll over and die. Oh no.

He was just very grateful that he always fostered good relations with his employees, even those that other people would overlook. Shows what they know. A janitor just saved his life, 'cause Gato apparently decided to loosen his purse strings.

Normally, this would only be bad news, forcing Saito to lose his whole buisness. A hostile-takeover certainly wasn't going to be cheap, at least not with his company.

But this was worse.

Gato had hired a shinobi.

To kill him, just to clarify.

So ...

...

What to do, what to do?

Take stock of the situation.

He was currently in Tanzaku-gai. He had access to all his bank accounts. He knew there was an assassin (a fucking ninja)out for his blood his blood. He knew Gato hired the assassin (Ninja, Kami-damnit).

Just as he was about to tear out his own hair out of frustration (or his own throat. Just to spite whoever was coming for him), an epiphany:

If you can't beat 'em, join em.

He could also afford a ninja, couldn't he?

* * *

He could barely afford a ninja.

Well ... he could actually afford a whole _team _of ninja, but those would still be Genin. Small-fries. Runts. Cannon fodder. Oh, he didn't doubt anyone of them would be able to kill him before he could so much as realize he was being attacked, but he was also quite sure they wouldn't even hinder whoever was after him.

According to his spy (He had a spy! If it wasn't a literal case of life and death, that would be so cool), Gato had actually paid a fair chunk of change; so if he was going to survive...

He'd need to do the same.

* * *

Damnit.

And of course he _would_ hire the strange one.

He sure as hell didn't look intimidating. Giggling over one of those smut books that infested seemingly the whole world. But then again – if he was worth that amount of money, he'd probably deserve to be a little ... eccentric. But, seriously, how does he get his hair to stay like that?

He just had to suck it up, go home with this no-doubt brutal killing machine (that was giggling like a fucking schoolgirl!) back to his house and hope the assassin would strike before the hire-time ran out.

No problem.

Saito sighed and ran his hands through his hair again. He frowned. Why the hell was he walking through a deserted alley when he knew someone was out to get him? This wasn't even the quickest route back home! Ah, screw it. He was fine. He had a shinobi covering his back.

*CRUNCH*

*THUD*

Fuck.

* * *

On second thought, tempting fate like that was just stupid.

His shinobi was lying on the ground. Saito certainly wasn't an expert in anatomy, but even he knew that if your nose was somewhere in the vicinity of the small of your back, you wouldn't be feeling too spry. Or be able to giggle like a schoolgirl over some poorly written "erotica".

"Cool. I don't have this one."

He couldn't even get normal assassins. The guy who killed his bodyguard was now giggling like his bodyguard. 'Cept, you know, his bodyguard was kinda fucking dead.

"Oh yeah... You're still here. I'm Hatake Kakashi. I'm here to kill you. How would you like to spend the last day of your life?"

...

...

...

...

Fuck.

* * *

The only explanation was that he was already dead. And that this was hell.

Being followed by his own personal assassin all day long. An assassin that was giggling the whole time. And he couldn't get rid of him.

Sure sounds like hell.

"That was a good try. Most people wouldn't have thought of that. Or maybe they would. People are different after all."

Damn ninja.

* * *

So the first thing I tried was calmly sprinting to the shinobi outpost. By the time I got there, I was kinda out of breath, so I just gestured over my shoulder. The kunoichi on duty just took one long look, sighed and said: "I should kick your ass for reading that in public. I should kick it just for reading that in front of a lady like me!"

"True art should be admired by the masses."

What the fuck was going on? Finally mustering enough breath, he looked over his shoulder.

Oh, that's just plain bullshit.

His shinobi was standing there. Poofy afro hair, little orange book and glazed look.

Damn shinobi and damn their tricks.

* * *

Couldn't get rid of him... Now what?

Bargain with him?

... It's not like he had anything to lose.

* * *

"So, if I sign over my whole company that would be more than Gato offered you?"

"Yes. And since we shinobi are mercenaries, that _would_ go a long way to ensure your survival."

And the scary thing is that his eye didn't ever stop moving methodically over the pages of that damn book.

My money or my life?

"To the bank!"

* * *

(Hokage's office)

"Correct me if I'm wrong-"

"I sure will, Hokage-sama."

Sarutobi sighed. Why was it always Kakashi?

"You convinced the target of your assassination mission to sign over all his holdings; all his wealth to Konohagakure in order to pay you more to not kill him, than Gato would to kill him?"

"Yes."

"And after the paperwork was finalized, you killed him anyway, disregarding the deal you made?"

"Yes. I am a shinobi, after all. We have more money now. Isn't that a good thing?"

Damn Kakashi.


End file.
